Sponge bath it is.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize