he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We were destined to go to rehab together
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
