they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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