OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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