I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
