Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
