there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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