So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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