I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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