I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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