Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
