I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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