he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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