Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
