I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
