Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize