i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
