So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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