They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The uberlube is also flammable
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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