I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
