In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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