she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
