I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
