so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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