So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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