Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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