I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
