Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
