This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
