So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
