Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
false alarm, still single
Randomize
