We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
