I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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