I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
