Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
