dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
