that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
