we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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