Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
