My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Princesses don't give blow jobs
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
