I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Randomize
