He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
