respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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