I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
