i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
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