Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Oh god it's open bar.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
