i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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