yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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