He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
