You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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