life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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