I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
