She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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