so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
