I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
