Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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