omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
