Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
