Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
