currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
