nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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