I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
