phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
