I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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