My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
