i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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