did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
this just has baby written all over it
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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