Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
