I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
