My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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