No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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