i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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