I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
