I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
