I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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