Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
